


In the Stars and on Mars

by dreamygardenia



Category: Original Work
Genre: Multi, Nihilism, Poems, Poetry, Surrealism, lgbtq+, not fanfiction, poem, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26695696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamygardenia/pseuds/dreamygardenia
Summary: (Mostly old and outdated) poetry all written by me.Trigger warnings include: Self harm, eating disorders, depression, mild violence, possible abuse? etc.
Relationships: The stars and I, You and Mars
Kudos: 1





	1. Give me a friend

Date written: Unknown

Give me a friend who is loving.

Is there a world outside of this?  
I wonder this almost constantly.  
Maybe love is real,  
but where can I find a friend?

Bathe me in your existential dread,  
like a friend would.  
Tell me everything  
about your life.  
Do flowers bloom in your skull,  
Or do weeds grow instead?

Just give me a friend,  
I want to feel important to another soul.  
I want to feel connected to one being out of possible billions,  
just one.

Make me feel better.  
Please.  
PLEASE.  
Even if it's temporary.


	2. I hate bird analogies

Date: Unknown

The champagne pink dress I wear tonight  
could make you forget the melancholy painted on my face  
and on my brain.  
I dance alone,  
allowing my dress to flow with the serene music.

This is how I celebrate liberation,  
free from my own hell at last.  
Needless to say, I am overjoyed.

This was the end of it all,  
after what I felt like was an eternity.  
I worry, what am I to do after this?  
I can't go back to that blacked out cage.  
I shall never return to that rotted tree.  
I will not shed a tear.  
I will not shed a single tear.

As the song changes  
to a more joyous melody  
I sit down on a staircase  
made of resin.  
I refuse to break down,  
allowing serenity to lay on my breast  
like a cat.  
I was so ecstatic,  
full of adrenaline,  
but anxiety washed over me.

I'm free,  
after years of dreaming.


	3. What a loud ocean!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: This one is VERY obviously about my violent misophonia, mostly involving hurting myself and hurting others. If you're not comfortable with this, please skip!

Date: Unknown

No matter how many times I beg  
for these sounds I abhor to stop,  
the pest will not leave.

Oh,  
how I abhor the sounds.  
But the sound of the piano comforts me  
more than the sound of that vent does.  
I hate these ears of mine.

I've accepted the torture  
and admiration of sounds.  
Simultaneously,  
I want to rip my eardrums out.  
I fantasize about  
cutting my ears off,  
and hoping to never hear once more,  
from these rose-studded ears of mine.

Why can't sound stop existing?  
Why can't I be happy to hear?  
I say this, while enjoying piano  
at the loudest possible volume.

I don't wanna hear.  
I don't wanna hear,  
why can't it go away?

I cry, begging to make it stop.  
And the worst part?  
Not a single soul could hear me  
in this ocean of sounds.  
The sea, so loud.


	4. Simplicity is stupid

Date: Unknown

That gorgeous night,  
our voices were only whispers.  
Under the umbrella we shared,  
The rain poured down  
onto the pavement aggressively,  
but the two of us were at peace.

Abruptly,  
A sigh came out of your mouth  
and you muttered  
"I love you."  
I know you didn't want me to hear you,  
but with eardrums as grand as mine,  
what am I to do?

Even if I never hear you say  
"I love you."  
again,  
You are still my one desire.


	5. Obsession

Date: Unknown

I've looked at you a thousand times,  
my love for you growing stronger.

My obsession with you  
is coded with the indifferent compliments  
I give to everybody else,  
but I still love you so,  
unlike the other people  
I am engrossed with.


	6. What is there? What isn't there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This poem contains eating disorder themes and implied depression themes. If you aren't comfortable with these things, please skip to another poem.

Date: Unknown

"Take me into your arms, stranger,  
and tell me I'll be okay."  
They begged.

They grasp onto people and things,  
only to fall as they had reached for nothing.

Even if they jumped  
off the highest skyscraper,  
nothing could hurt them more  
than their melancholy,  
their loneliness.

"Am I not loved by others  
enough to be talked to?  
Am I too much of a pudgy basket case to be loved?  
Does everything I do mean nothing?"

The creature had no idea.

"Maybe if I suck in my stomach,  
hide my face,  
bind my feet,  
maybe then I can be someone worth loving.  
Maybe I can."

"Would I be loved if I looked different?"  
They asked nobody in particular,  
allowing themselves to be consumed by their own disfigurement.


	7. Suri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This poem is actually based off of a character I have named Min-Ji "Suri" Che :)

Date: Unknown

Her eyes,   
pink like your favourite strawberry candy.

Her hair, white like a star.

Her skin is tan,  
reminiscent of the South Korean summers of her childhood.

Her voice is like a symphony.

She calls herself Suri,  
I wonder why.


	8. The cloaked vampire grinned

Date: Unknown

Our cloaks blended well with the darkness of midnight.

I look back at what I once called home  
for the last time.  
The quivering fear sunk into my bones,  
seeping into my soul,  
but I knew I wanted this.

My lover was fond of the colours of spring,  
but she still looked as gorgeous as can be in her black velvet cloak.  
It draped over her so charmingly as we walked down the quiet streets.

Our intentions were simple,  
although our stress worsened,  
afraid of being forced home.

The euphoria and adrenaline  
pumped through the two of us  
as we ran out into the night,  
like sweet vampires.


	9. GROW UP!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter in particular talks about child abuse, emotional/verbal abuse, trauma, etc. Please, if you are not comfortable with this topic, I would recommend skipping.
> 
> If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, please use these resources.
> 
> National Child Abuse Hotline US and Canada: 1-800-422-4453 (You can text them too)  
> National Domestic Abuse Hotline US:1-800-799-7233 (I couldn't find one for Canada I'm so sorry)
> 
> National Domestic Abuse Hotline UK: 0808-2000-247  
> Report child abuse (UK): https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/report/
> 
> Domestic Violence Crisis Service AUS: (02)-62-800-900

Date: 10/2/2020

She was just a child,

blissfully unaware of the toxicity in the air.

Not aware of the pollution,

and nobody cared.

But with your unkempt hands

that had broken, brittle fingernails,

you took away that childhood happiness

when you told her to just go away.

How could anyone love her

if her father said she was a bad person,

a monster?

The way he twisted words around

like it was nothing

was a talent so terrifying

that not many could see.

How could anyone be surprised

when she couldn't take the insults anymore.

How could anyone be surprised

when she turned nineteen,

immediately moved away

to find a new place to stay

away from the father that could never love her.

Even still alive,

he haunted her like a ghost.

Every mention of her father

made her stomach twist with the emotional turmoil.

The trauma,

it never leaves.


End file.
